I’m watching kids get off the school bus from the heated seat of my 5-star crash & rollover safety rated SUV when another parent pulls up next to me. He’s on an all-terrain-vehicle (ATV).
As my son climbs into the back seat of my car, I can’t help but stare as one kid hops on behind the dad on the ATV, while two other boys sit down on the plastic sled tied to a rope behind it. The kids hold onto their backpacks as the dad revs the engine then takes off.
I have to be admit, a rebel part of me envies cool ATV dad, and for sure both Anders and I envy the kids. Watching them made me nostalgic for my 80’s childhood when “helicopter parenting” or “safety first” wasn’t a thing. I often see kids here operating ATVs alongside the highway or on snow machines. And then there was my gun instructor, who was 12 years-old, https://pokingthebear.org/teaching-kids-about-guns-familys-first-lesson-in-firearms/
It’s no wonder my husband received that recruitment postcard with a headline that screamed, “Work and Live in Alaska’s Playground! Orthopedic Surgeon needed!”
Back in Boulder, Colorado the site of someone flying down the road with helmet-less kids bouncing behind it in a $12 sled would have had every mom dialing child services, hands shaking with purpose and outrage. Here though, there is a definitive “mind your own business” understanding. It’s more than an understanding, it is the culture, and people choose to live in a place called the Last Frontier for this reason.
The School Dress Code Debate:
Alaska’s don’t-tell-me-what-to-do way of life explains why pot is legal, kids are taken out of school all the time for hunting trips or similar reasons (“mom, I swear no one goes to school here why cant I just skip this one day!”) and actually, why so many families homeschool their children. This last subject came up the other day when I called a cab to take me home from the airport (I didn’t check to see if Harry was available, https://pokingthebear.org/they-have-uber-here-his-name-is-harry/)
I asked the cab driver why he home schooled his kids, and why his now grown son who is a public school teacher has his own kids home schooled. The driver was quick with an answer, “we don’t like having the government dictate what our kids need to learn. They have so many rules, it’s ridiculous!”
But, there is a line when it comes to Alaska’s don’t-tell-me-what-to-do ways. And one thing that marks that line is a yoga shirt.
My daughter’s favorite shirt used to be a yoga top that had a hole cut out in the back (see end post example). Paired with leggings, it was the kind of top that every girl wore back in Boulder, CO from grade school all the way through the students at CU, and beyond. But then, in Boulder everyone looks like they are headed to a Crossfit or yoga class and that’s because they probably are. It explains why the town regularly makes it to the top of any list highlighting the country’s fittest cities.
https://www.today.com/health/fittest-city-boulder-colo-once-again-tops-list-2D79486823
When I saw Tatum’s favorite shirt in the donation pile, I was surprised. I asked Tatum why she didn’t want it anymore she explained that she had been “dress coded” at school.
“Mom, it was so embarrassing!” she whined, “a teacher pulled me aside during passing period and everyone was looking at us!”
Apparently, my daughter hadn’t been informed of the ol’ 4B rule.
The “Rules of the Four Bs”
Females Can Not Expose:
- Butt
- Boob
- Belly button
- Back
There is definitely a more conservative religious undercurrent here compared to Boulder. I was expecting that. Its just that out of all the people to be busted for dressing inappropriately, the least likely candidate would be Tatum. She’s a high school sophomore and still won’t wear a bikini because it shows too much skin. Last time I let her pick out a swimsuit it was one designed for a pregnant woman; a billowing tank style top attached to swim bottoms. She’d be happy if full swim bloomers from the 1900s came back in style.
My daughter is tall and a size 2. The last time I was a size 2, I was two. When she bought this particular open back top I had actually been excited by her daring. “It’s time she started wearing something more fun, edgy, and form fitting,” I thought, “She should do it while she can!”
And with those thoughts, it was official. I had turned into my mother.
“Oh Xenia, another baggy sweatshirt? Booooring! If I were you I’d wear tight dresses like Sophia Loren!” this is was what my mom would say every day except on the days she swapped out Sophia Loren’s name for Marilyn Monroe’s.
“Bye Bye Saai Susie!” She’d often call out as I left the house for school.
My mother is Dutch-Indonesian and she speaks both languages. “Saai” (Sigh-ya) is the dutch word for “boring.” I had a friend named Susie who only wore blue jeans and t-shirts. My mom started referring to her as Saai Susie, and then she started referring to me as Saai Susie. And now I look at the way my daughter dresses and all I can think is, Saai Susie.
Apparently the only one in this generation line-up who was never a “Saai Susie” is my mom.
For one season in 1981, my mom threw me into the talent show and beauty pageant circuit. My “talent” was hula dancing naked. Well, almost.
I remember begging my mom to let me perform any other kind of dance but hula. I had a dance school choreographed number to Micheal Jackson’s “Billie Jean” why couldn’t I do that? For me, at that age, I just felt hula was not cool. But, I had no choice. My mom claimed hula would help me stand out, “because all the other girls would be doing ballet, jazz, or tap routines, but no one would being doing a hula dance!” And she was right, no one else was, and that’s because hula was not cool.
My costume also helped me stand out. I remember my instructor assuring my mom that I could wear a leotard or tank top instead of a bikini top. And that doubling up on hula skirts would give me more coverage. She clearly didn’t know my mom, who dismissed the teacher’s suggestions as absurd. “You have to look like a real island girl,” my mom said as she colored my underwear with flesh-colored face make-up. “And real island girls don’t wear anything underneath.”
My mom also picked out the song I danced to, it was called “Princess Pupule.” Lyrics tell a story of a girl who loved giving her papaya away. “Oh me-ahh, oh my-ahh, you really should try a little piece of Princess Pupule’s papaya!” At that age, I didn’t recognize the song as being provocative in any way, and I’m so glad I didn’t.
If there was anyone who had a chance of being outraged that Tatum had been dress coded, it would be my mom. I couldn’t wait to tell her, and bask in her rant.
“I know the shirt your talking about,” my mom said over the phone, “yes, it did show a lot of her back.”
I had never felt so alone.
“Mom!”
“No, I thought the top was very cute,” my mom explains, “but, you knew people there would be more conservative.”
Of course, I knew that.
In general, I’m not opposed to school dress codes. I secretly always wanted to go to a school with uniforms so I didn’t have to think about it.
“Wedgie-Gate”
The bigger issue is dress codes tend to have a gender bias. They just do. My kids are on the swim team and while 17-year old boys wear suits that look like they’re meant for a toddler, the only one disqualified this year for lack of coverage was a girl in Anchorage wearing a school issued uniform. The disqualification was overturned after some backlash, but “Wedgie-gate” raised a lot of questions, and made national news.
Of course, I am glad that my daughter doesn’t wear skimpy crop tops, barely there skirts, and that she isn’t handing out even sample sized portions of papaya. I just think that in her particular case, being reprimanded for wearing the singular “edgy” clothing item she owned tested her confidence. Being publicly embarrassed by being cited for a dress code violation, on the first week as a new student no less, was just something of a set back. Not devastating. But, wrong person. Bad timing.
https://jezebel.com/what-high-school-dress-codes-teach-our-daughters-1709156504
On the flip side, we are probably more conservative than most of our neighbors when it comes to what our kids can do, and participate in. I’ve been at my laptop this past hour, sitting on my lumbar support, memory foam, no-slip seat cushion, occasionally looking up to watch a couple of teens (maybe a bit older, hard to tell) flying across the lake on snowmobiles. It looks like they are going 90 MPH. I don’t know if it is the same riders, but I see a pair of snowmobiles daily, and sometimes I see their headlights at night. They are having a blast. And I can only live vicariously as snowmobiles are not in the cards for us, for now, but I’m working on it. Being an orthopedic surgeon who covers trauma call, Mark has seen the aftermath of snowmobile accidents. “No way are we going to go snowmobiling,” he has said, “but, we can go nordic skiing across the lake!” As if the two activities are interchangeable.
Well, we do share the same beautiful view with our snowmobiling neighbors. And, although a lot slower, we literally follow in their tracks (I’m a newbie to nordic ski, following trails makes it easier.)
The kids often complain that their dad is too cautious, whining when he won’t let them roll down the car windows. “Do you know how many times I’ve seen someone lose a foot or hand from sticking it out a window?!” he’ll shout as he almost crashes the car while fumbling for the windows power lock button. At this point the kids and I always ask, because we genuinely want to know, “no, how many times?” But, my husband is vague on the numbers.
Mark makes it sound like he regularly has a trash bin filled with arms, legs, and heads in the corner of his OR but I suspect it doesn’t really happen that often. It does happen though:
Snowmobiles are out, at least for now, but every day here is turning my husband into Alaska dad bit by bit. It won’t be long till he decides he needs an ATV for shoveling snow and hauling wood to his bbq smoker.
So, who knows, maybe someday I’ll be cool ATV mom, loading up my helmet-less, seatbelt-free kids behind me before peeling out from the school bus stop. I could do that. And, as long as I don’t show any boob, butt, belly button, or back, it’s not like anyone is going to stop me.
https://psmag.com/politics-and-law/alaska-land-of-contradictions-4
School appropriate?
Basically, this is the top my daughter wore, only it had long sleeves.